Online Strip Poker blog contest?! Now THAT’S what I am talking about! If only I could enter…

So I was initially excited when I discovered that Bloggrrl was hosting the world’s first online strip poker blog contest.  That was until I read this:

 ”Caveat: Sucky blogs that only post prize entries and don’t provide any service to their readers will not be entered into this contest. I will personally contact bloggers who I believe run good contest blogs and request that the contest be featured.”

Since I was not personally contacted by her, could this no-talent hack Bloggrrl possibly be referring to MY blog!? I mean, c’mon, what kind of great service does she offer to her readers…the essential guide to men’s underwear? You have got to be kidding me!!! Bloggrrl can kiss my my hairy white arrse and keep her damn $50 worth of underwear prize (I go commando most of the time anyway). I’m asking my readers to boycott her contest, thus ensuring that it will be a complete and utter failure…we will show her who truly has the “sucky” blog!

 

Great, another blog that teaches you how to make money online!

I am thrilled that my first blog review ever features a blog that is celebrating its 2 month anniversary by giving away $100, kuanhoong dot com. This blog focuses on a niche that is totally untapped and under served in the blogosphere: how to make money online. This is exactly the blog that I have been waiting for! To my knowledge, there is absolutely no other blog out there that teaches you how to make Money Online. Well, I guess there is this one. And this one. And this one. Ah hell, according to google, there are about 96,000,000 of these types of blogs. But, so what? Kuanhoong dot com is different. I mean, where else can you read about such fascinating topics like how expensive watermelon is in Japan or the Nagoya Robot Museum? This is some good shit people! It sure as hell beats some lame post about going out to eat, although more posts with hot babes would be a good addition to kuanhoong dot com, there’s no denying that!

 

This guy can give away an iPod shuffle and John Chow can’t…WTF!?!?

Who exactly is Brandon Hopkins? Never heard of him, right? Yeah, me neither! But somehow, this guy, a guy that has to settle for brandon dash hopkins dot com, isn’t too cheap to give away an iPod shuffle while that wealthy SOB John Chow is! Since I am practically an A-List blogger now thanks to the link love I got from Contest Blogger last week, I am using the power of this blog and the six readers I now have to challenge John Chow to match Brandon Dash Hopkins and host an iPod shuffle contest of his own. I am having my people contact John Chow as I post this and just hope he has the balls to man up to the challenge. In the meantime, if you want to win a free iPod shuffle, just link to Brandon Dash Hopkins and this site about business cards and you’re automatically entered.

 

Why Contest Blogger Sucks Compared to Us

It has become clear that Contest Blogger is threatened by this blog.  And why not? He lists his reasons for why his contest blog is better than ours, and I couldn’t disagree more!

“Why Contest Blogger totally rocks the competion”

Nice typo there Contest Blogger…you are totally rocking so far!

“1. We work harder

Trust us on this one: no other contest blog is going to put more time and effort into making sure their readers hear about the coolest contests from across the blogosphere.  We love what we do, and it will show in every post. “

Work harder? Well, maybe, but I work smarter! I just basically surf over to his blog everyday to find out what contest is going on and then I post about them…I work smarter!

Score: Ryan’s Contest Blog: 1, Contest Blogger: 0

“2. We’re pickier . . . and don’t pull punches

Contest Blogger posts most of the submissions we receive, but not all of them.  If a contest is lame, confusing, or unfair, we’re not going to post on it just because it’s a slow day.  And if there is something crappy about a contest we post, we’ll tell it like it is. “

Hell, I don’t even take submissions! Now who is pickier!?

Score: Ryan’s Contest Blog: 2, Contest Blogger: 0

“3. We’re more fun to read

Our posts have personality, plain and simple.  Any robot can just cut and paste a contest onto a post, but we’re the only contest blog that tries to entertain you at the same time.  Is a blog anything without character, anyway?  Heck no. “

Give me a fucking break! Our posts are a hell of a lot funnier than those over at Contest Blogger! I entertain the hell out of my three readers, don’t I guys?

Score: Ryan’s Contest Blog: 3, Contest Blogger: 0

“4. We put the reader first   

We’re the only contest blog out there with an oath to give every prize we win back to our readers.  If you’ve bookmarked us or subscribed to our RSS feed, we’re going to reward you for it.  We may not want to sit down to dinner with any of you people, but we do appreciate the fact that Contest Blogger is nothing without you.”

Well, I don’t really have any readers (I was just making it up when I claimed I had three readers earlier…I suck).  Although if I did have readers, I certainly would sit down and have dinner with them…as long as they were buying.

Final Score: Score: Ryan’s Contest Blog: 3, Contest Blogger: 1

Ryan’s Contest Blog wins!

Seriously, just to clarify, the only reason I started this contest blog was so I had a platform to enter contests without cluttering my main blogs with contest entries! If you really want to go to the definitive site for all blog contests, Contest Blogger is the only way to go.

 

I just want to take this opportunity to say that Sumsung MP3 players suck

No computer on the planet recognizes my Samsung YP-U2 MP3 player these days, so I am officially declaring it a worthless piece of crap.  Next time I won’t be so cheap and I will get an iPod! I am hoping that I will win a new MP3 player from over at The Prize Blog.  Brian is having an awesome 6-day blogging competition and is giving away cash prizes, MP3 players, blogroll back links, Bloggeries Blog Directory listings and complete site reviews.  They can keep the stupid blogroll back links and complete site review, just show me the money and a new MP3 player!

 

An udderly ridiculous contest

I always try to steer you guys to great blog contests and milk them for all they are worth, and this time it is no different.  John Cow is a great new blog and he is giving us a chance to make mooney online by entering his new Cash Cow Cowpetition…top prize is $100! Be sure to take the bull by the horns and enter his cowpetition today!

 

If I win, I am giving them to my girlfriend, even though I am secure enough with my sexuality to wear women’s sunglasses

Need a gift for your girlfriend? Well, you should do what I do and start a blog for the sole purpose of entering blog contests! Why not!?

- Ryan

PS

Here’s what I am talking about: enter a contest to win a pair of sunglasses courtesy of Natural Health Remedies.

 

Because I am a sucker for cheap shit from trade shows

In a previous life, I had a job where I was required to go to major trade shows and conferences.  They were actually a lot of fun, and occasionally I would get a decent t-shirt out of it.  Well, Zac Johnson is going to send me a t-shirt from the conference that he just got back from by me mentioning the

Ultimate Affiliate Summit Blog Post Giveaway!

He is going to start giving stuff away later this week, so check it out! You can’t beat that!

 

4/10 score and it causes carpal tunnel…where do I sign up!?

If you would like to win a crappy, yet ultra-thin mouse, head over to John Chow’s blog and enter this contest! All you need to do is post on his blog.  I recommend you post something along the lines of “since you are making so much damn money, why can’t you have contests that actually feature cool shit instead of total crap like this and USB coolers that don’t even work?”  Just a thought.

 

Win $2500

Over at Ashwin’s blog, you will find one crazy blog owner!! You can win $2500!! To enter just copy this text and paste it in your blog!! But hurry, this competition will not last long! So get posting!